the 1st of some of the changes

I’m currently going through the dreaded emotional rollercoaster
and the physical endurance test of clearing out mom’s house.
It’s a double-edged sword.
I get to at long-last bring my own belongings out of storage to make it feel like home for me, but it also means parting with most of mom’s belongings.
Which often feels like I’m erasing her.
Tears are frequent.

I feel like I should share the path of change, so,
first- mom’s room before & after.
I sold her [inherited] bedroom furniture. . . . . to a nurse.
And that’s probably the only part that she would have liked.
The next morning I had a meltdown~ “WHAT– did I do?“

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These were early pictures of setting it up and styling it for her~
no idea what happened to the pretty finished shots–?
The furniture passed to her from our beloved great auntie who bought it brand new to go in the house she was building in 1910.
Below is the way the room has been REdone.
With MY things, but, in her honor.

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The foundation of the room got a fresh painted job because of all the holes that needed patching. This time the white has a warmer tone. The drapes were already changed to the soft, sheer white with lace, the hand-hooked wool garden rug remained.

The dresser, nightstand, and antique French bergère were pieces already dedicated to “her room” in my former house.

The bed was a long-ago project I posted on. It was an aMAZing mirror that had been broken- I bought the frame to make into a bed!

The looong cabinet was a $13, 5-yrs-ago Craigslist find that finally came out of my stashes, got a good cleaning, some repairs, and fresh paint job!

Many meaningful things have found their place in here–I just couldn’t let all her belongings go. I find myself sitting quietly in her room with regularity, and take comfort in being around her—stuff.

I struggled with letting a LOT of her things go and find I’m letting more of my own things go to strike a balance.

Missing you so much mom—
wish Heaven had visiting hours.

I love this last pre-cancer picture.

Want to see the “new” Living room?
That’s a big change, come on back—

Catherine

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a “new” life

Life.  A very tough two years of taking care of my mother in cancer.
But her fight is over now—she passed 19 days ago.
A revelation I’m still coming to terms with, since the pain feels like yesterday.

We, optimistically, created this banner for a private page that kept family & friends up to date on her fight.  And now, broken heartedly, I’ve changed it . . . .

After 2 years of her all-consuming care, how do you just stop cold-turkey?
I find myself completely lost, trying to readjust to not being “needed.”
Someone inserted a poem in their condolence card-
When Tomorrow Starts Without Me

-it sent me into a blubbering cry all over again.  But it also helped me hear some of her last words again, telling me how much she loved me, & was so proud of me.  I would gladly sacrifice another 2 years to still have her here.
Someone also told me a daughter’s loss of her mother
is like no other loss you can ever know.  I feel it.

 

She left me her house, wanting me to find a way to make it my own.
So I am still connected to her in that –ever so gratefully–
I hope I feel her around me always.
She knew I would find joy again through re-creation.
So I guess I will have projects to share—as I find my way forward once again.
But give me time-

Catherine

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another deviation

Cutting to the chase–
I’m currently working on a custom bookcase.

My main project is taking care of mom,
but I squeeze in anything else I’m able.
And right now that is a custom bookcase for mom’s bedroom so she can have
the things around her that make her happy & bring her joy.

 

While I complete this project, but before I share with you–
I just wanted to share a few of those special things that will go on the shelves!

Above are pics of my grand parents in their youth-
my grandfather in his WWI uniform.
And those little leather shoes were my grandfather’s, 1890-something!

The other two pictures are of
my mother as a little girl.
One in a dance costume, and the other with her favorite doll!  It was applied to wood and cut out—back in. . .1936?
Aren’t they so sweet?

♥♥♥
Bookshelf project next!

Finished, paint drying, about to get loaded up!

Catherine

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I know~ it’s been a while

*** So much time has passed, and my mom is still in a fight.
But now it’s about getting her through recovery because
A LOT of “damage” was done to kill the cancer, to which
SHE WON!

Below exemplifies about what’s left of her and the long road ahead.

 

Recovery has presented OTHER challenges.

The more immediate is that mom has moved downstairs to the larger guest bedroom I occupied, and I’ve moved upstairs into the master suite.

The switch started at the New Year, and put us through varying stages of
Hoarders:  Buried Alive!  —not kidding.

I strategically moved furniture upstairs to clear the bedroom-
her furniture downstairs, to the living room, just long enough to

strip-repair-paint-REdecorate to HER tastes!

Some other construction plans are in the works to fine tune an AWEsome
New (albeit smaller) Master Suite for her.
THEN- I started flipping bathrooms.  An exHAUSTing exercise,
up & down the stairs.  About 30?  Trips each day?  —not kidding.
And there’s nothing like gutting/stripping a bathroom to discover just how good you actually clean it~ y i k e s !  The bathroom was also REdone to her tastes, complete with handicap elements for her safety.
I’ll have to share soon–it all looks SO pretty!

Now to MOI !

At last!  I’m getting to
RE-build
RE-design
RE-create
a room for myself!

With some aMAZing architecturals & flea market finds!
AND- some prized collected antiques & vintage pieces!

Here’s a view of my first few days & initial plans!

The room is newly painted &
many changes are already in the making!

Come back!  I’m back!
With a lot to share!

Catherine

You really don’t know how happy that makes me!

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Oh how I miss my projects!

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Late June marked a year
for my mom of
sickness, diagnosis, treatments, and all the difficulties of recovery.

All those treatments beat her down to—nothing.
T h e n   you have to
work find your way back.
Which means a mix of
bad & good days.
Note that order.

“Life” as a caregiver is completely exhausting.
You truly have no idea until you’ve walked a mile in those shoes.  Uh, huh.
It seems I only get to work on projects in my dreams now, but they are A-W-E-some!  ; D
I have been collecting some things here & there for when I can “RE-launch!”
I can hardly wait for the day!

Catherine

Really miss you guys too!

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please stand by-

So- I’m finding a “rhythm”

to my newly learned nursing skills, and,
spend so much time at the hospital –I should be put on salary.
I now know my way around that HUGE place, AND even the tv channels.

But with Knowledge comes Power
and I’m much more confident in all I’ve suddenly had to learn & do.
THAT has been calming in many ways.

And mom is doing “better”___!

And as things progress and we settle in to some sort of “schedule,”
I think I can start to fit some projects into my days—for sanity’s sake!

There’s PEACE in those projects, y’know!

But 1st comes some Christmas decor!

Catherine

W e l l- maybe the 1st project might be to REarrange
this top 20 Christmas movie list—
#4 is my favorite and a seasonal MUST!

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Our world is shaken~

quite. literally.

I spent the summer in such a frenzied pace.
Brandon’s house reno AND my mother wasn’t feeling well,
so I was chasing her back and forth to Dr’s appointments.

The projects were progressing—mom wasn’t.

And we now know why.  Cancer.  Bladder cancer.  Very serious,
life-threatening –the Dr said to drive home just how serious the situation is.
How those words just shake you to your core.

but-

Oh, she’ll finish this fight.  While still in the hospital, all sassy with the nurses, equating the hospital gowns to insurance—you only THINK you’re covered.
She’ll win!

So- I have a new job-
taking the best care of my mother,

’cause cancer can’t have her!

This fight is on!

She’s not ready to go—and we’re certainly not ready to let her.
I know you’ll understand~ postings are going to be sporadic. . .
I hope you’ll include my mother in your thoughts and prayers. ♥

Catherine

Oh yes– you  C A N  go!

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